Dannie (in Real Life)

Who the f@#k is Frickin’ Dannie?

meow, i'm a kitty
nerdface.

She’s this girl who likes cats. A little bit like this girl, except I don’t usually cry about cats except when I go on vacation or when they claw my face off. (Love/hate relationship.) She also likes hockey, especially the Columbus Blue Jackets, and this pretty much sums up the love for my team. They may be the ass of a lot of (unfunny) jokes (because you people are not original herpderppenismascot), but you can’t take 2009 away from me. That team makes me cry more than cats do.

1344299330397_4407147 I have a big girl job, although I am not sure why anybody ever takes me seriously, because I can’t even sit in a desk chair like an adult and there is a framed picture of my cats on my desk. It’s probably because I’m pretty good at Excel and not screwing things up. I love my job, so next time I have a bad day and say rawr, fuck all of this shit, remind me that it kicks ass most of the time and that sometimes I get free beer. 

I live with my little sister, except she’s kind of more like my big little sister. She could (and may has) kick(ed) my butt and sometimes I give her good reasons, like calling her Poop Face or reminding her of embarrassing things she did as a child. Muahahahaha. We’ve lived together since 2009, and neither one of us is dead yet. We also do most of our travelling together and try to take one really kick-ass trip a year. But those details are for another day. Now we’re on a mission to buy a fixer-upper house before our current lease is up. I am pretty sure this is bound to be a comedy of errors and thumbs smashed by hammers because I am like a very clumsy wannabe Ty Pennington but with better hair.

I have a lot of really great friends, but they all live very far. And I’m going to tell you all about them later.

I go to college. I’m 26. No I’m not still in college, because I stopped for a long time because I was sick. One day in 2011 I decided I didn’t want to be poor forever, so I re-enrolled and was accepted into the Pre-Business program at my school. I hate my school but my classes make for really awesome joke fodder so there’s that, at least. (Oh, also I am learning a lot, or something.) Two-year colleges were not made for people who already live in the real world and pay their own bills and wear clothes every day, so I feel like an overachiever for being able to put pants on in the morning (4.0 in personal grooming!). Next year I’m transferring to a different university with an actual program for adults, so hopefully I won’t be spending as much time salivating while learning about adulthood. (Or maybe I will, but it’ll cost me a lot more.) Bachelors Degree, come to mama.

So that’s it, that’s me, and that’s all you get for now. I can’t tell you all of my secrets already.

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